HFCS Strikes Back!!
by Andrew Heffernan on May 12, 2009 4:37 PM EDT
5 comments
WAIT A FREAKIN' MINUTE HERE, everyone, seriously!!
Like a lot of people out there, I've bought into the whole anti-high-fructose-corn-syrup conspiracy--those 'scientists' and 'chemists' and 'nutritional experts' like Alan Aragon, and these guys, and this other guy, who are secretly in the pockets of...well, someone who would benefit in some way from the downfall of high-fructose-corn-syrup...
Maybe the high-fructose-cumquat-syrup industry? Maybe the makers of fruits and vegetables and other stuff that people would have us believe is "just as good as"--nay, better than if you please!--products in boxes with cartoon characters on the front?
Not altogether sure. Doesn't matter. But for sure I know it's a conspiracy because I saw this on the TV:
Forget the 'experts', that girl's freakin' HOT, so pass the Coke and gimmie plenty o' ketchup with those fries, Doris!
Ah, advertising. The last refuge of scoundrels. Fortunately, we can trust the great democracy that is YouTube to pierce through the haze with its shining beacon of truth. Several parodies are already up...here and here, for instance; personally, though, I'm partial to this one:
Good fun.
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Ugh
1. Made from corn
2. Same calories as sugar
3. Fine in moderation.
Are those three points convincing? I mean, ethanol can be
1. Made from corn
2. fewer calories than sugar
3. Fine in moderation.
But like sugar/hfcs, alcohol is also dangerous when over moderation, moderation means something different for each person and is difficult to gauge. Then again, there are also freakin’ HOT chicks peddling alcohol in commercials too, so I guess I don’t really have a point.
Wholesome and Natural
Wait a minute, what if the corn used to make the HFCS, or the tobacco in the cigarette was all natural and organically grown? You know, sort of like all natural Ebola, which comes straight out of the African rainforest with no processing of any kind by humans. I mean, Ebola’s got to be great for us then, right? I mean in moderation, of course. ;-)
I just re-watched the spoof commercial, it’s hilarious. I don’t know if it’s because they used two guys, or they are wearing suits on a farm, or the way the thinner guy tells the heavier guy about how smoking helps keep the weight off, or the music that sounds like it’s from an old Mickey Mouse cartoon. It’s freakin’ genius, I tell ya! I’ve got to watch King Corn.
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